Thursday, November 19, 2009

Stories To Look Forward To

Our crazy, annoying, police-calling, downstairs neighbors

Getting kissraped at work

My experiences with drugs and alcohol

My car gets broken into seconds before I step outside

The dark thing in my room at my new apartment

The night of the invasion of ball lightning

Guy in my grandma's basement gets stabbed in the neck

Stabber thrown through our front door by stabbee

Horseback riding in Park City

Officer Dick and his Pussewagon Posse (pronounced POOSwagon)

Hit-and-run in front of our house

Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Car Breaking Down

Back when I had the Kia Rio, I was driving down to Draper with Havoc and Fruit. We were heading south on I-15, when all of a sudden the car started decelerating rapidly, and the speedometer went crazy. I managed to get from the HOV lane over to the exit ramp, but the car stalled out completely at the bottom. When the light turned green, Havoc and Fruit and I started pushing it through the intersection. The light turned red when we were about halfway through, and someone pulled over really quick to help us get it the rest of the way through and into a parking lot. I was working so hard to push it that I almost threw up. Then after we got it parked, somebody else pulled over with their big SUV and offered to tow us wherever we wanted. They tied us to their bumper and dragged us all the way from 90th South to Havoc's house in Draper.

Another time when I was at Havoc's house, the battery on the Kia died and we tried to jump start it. Unfortunately, none of us had jumped a car in a long time, so we did it wrong and there were lots of sparks and we ended up melting the jumper cables.

The final adventure for the Kia was one winter night when it was parked in front of my parents' house. I was watching TV and all of a sudden I heard a bang and a crunch. Instinct (or pessimism) told me it was my car before I even looked out the window. What happened was somebody took the corner too fast and too tight, and slid out on a patch of ice, slamming into the back of the Kia and then side-swiping the truck parked in front of it. Ironically, both were totaled and the car doing the hitting just had a damaged front bumper. The truck got a collapsed gas tank and the Kia's rear axle was snapped. Darn cheap foreign cars.

Lastly--and this was my most recent car incident--I was driving my dad's Prius home from Provo and it was about 1 AM. I was on the phone with Kitty and I heard a bang, and it felt like something hit the car. I was passing through American Fork at this point. I was shaken, but I never saw anything on the road and the car seemed to be driving fine, so I kept going but stayed cautious. When I got down to about Sandy, the car started pulling to the right, and I started changing lanes but I still had to drive across two lanes on three wheels and a rim before I managed to pull over. I called the highway patrol and they said they'd send somebody down, and in the meantime just sit tight. I sat tight, and then somebody pulled over in front of me (not a cop) and they said they worked in a shop and they'd help me change my tire. I told them the HP was on the way and they said to call them back and tell them not to come because they'd look for a reason to charge me money or write me a ticket. Stupidly, I did call them and told them somebody was helping me so I didn't need them anymore. Luckily, the guy was honest and didn't murder/kidnap me. By the time I got home it was 4 AM.

Monday, November 19, 2007


The year was 2001. One day in the summer, we had a dry thunder storm, and it was just a quick one. Nobody thought much of it. The sky didn't even really get dark. But about 30 minutes after the storm had ended, I started hearing all these sirens and seeing a bunch of fire trucks going past our street up to the mountain.

I wanna know what's going on, especially since now there's a black pillar of smoke rising above the trees a little ways up the mountain. And it looks like it's coming from Boom's house. So I grab my cell phone and some water and head up there. (I was the only one home, and this was before I had my license.)

It's kind of a long walk from my house up to Boom-Baba's, but I cut that time approximately in half by running part of the way. I don't want to get there too late for the action!

As soon as a rounded the last bend I got a sinking feeling. It was most definitely Boom's house. As I hiked up the steep hill they called a driveway, the smoke smell became so thick I could practically taste the 200-year-old farmhouse wood.

Upon seeing an idle fireman, I went up to him and asked him with some trepidation whether there was anybody inside. Not as far as they knew, he told me. That didn't dispel my worry about Boom and his family, but then Boom himself showed up. He explained that everyone had been out, and that the only victims were a couple of kittens who had been trapped inside. Sad.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


This is the story related to me by Shorty.

Food Box, district manager of Pac Sun, got himself an expensive suede chair for his office. The color? A deep red. The very first day the chair was at his desk, Food Box wore a white sweater to work. At the end of the day, when he got up to leave, the entire back half of his sweater was a dark pink color. The dye in the chair’s fabric had bled onto his sweater.

It was absolute proof that all he did all day was sit at his desk and play Solitaire. And he must have done some sweating, because dye doesn’t bleed dry that easy…


The year was 1990. I was five, Precious was three, Rebecca Ann was 13, and Studmuffin was 15. Dad was 35 and Mom was 36. The cliff was 90 feet off the ground. Now that we’re done with the numbers, we can move on to the story.

Friday. The time for the church’s father-son camping trip had arrived. Dad, Studmuffin and Rebecca Ann were packing up their gear and loading it into the car, and I didn’t want them to go. I just had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

First I tried begging them to stay, and obviously a five-year-old isn’t going to make much of an impression. Then I resorted to hiding in the car with a suitcase packed full of socks and my teddy bear, so that I could go with them. I was too young to get the point of packing yet.

At last they left, and I cried a lot until Mom distracted me with something to do. Precious cried too, both because he wanted to go with Dad, and because I was crying. Poor Mom.

Saturday. Mom, Precious and I were out at yard sales, and Mom got a lawn mower. She got some help loading it into the trunk, but it hung out considerably. Unfortunately, we needed a mower, and this was the only way to get it home.

The drive back was stressful for Mom, because she was driving very slowly on the highway so the mower wouldn’t fall out, and people kept honking at her and then passing her real fast giving her the finger. Alas, despite her best efforts, the mower fell out. So she had to pull over, get the mower out of the road, and try to put it back in the trunk. Precious and I had to stay in the car, of course.

Nobody was pulling over to help her, either. She finally wrestled it back into the trunk and got in the car, pulling out onto the highway and continuing the slow pace. About five miles down, the mower fell out again. This time somebody pulled over behind us to help, and followed us the rest of the way home to help unload it.

After we’d been home for a few hours, Precious and I were playing on the front patio when Mom got a phone call. We could hear mom’s voice from inside the house, gasping and weepy. I went in to ask her what was wrong, but she motioned me back outside while she was still on the phone.

I went back to playing with Precious, and shortly thereafter, Mom came out and sat down on the steps next to us. She told us that Dad was in an accident, that he fell off a cliff and might not be coming home.

I don’t remember if Precious cried, but I didn’t. It didn’t really register in my 5-year-old brain that something really bad had happened. So I went back to playing with Precious, and Mom went back in the house to call people.

Here’s the lowdown: Dad was climbing a steep rock face, no ropes or anything. He reached the top, 90 feet off the ground, and as he was climbing over the edge, he slipped on some loose rocks and fell backward, hitting a ledge about halfway down and then landing at the bottom. Studmuffin, Rebecca Ann and their friend Snowballs were at the top and saw him fall, so they ran down the path to the bottom and found Dad laying there groaning. His face was all gashed in, and there was blood everywhere. Studmuffin stayed with Dad and applied direct pressure to his face with his shirt, while Rebecca Ann and Snowballs ran for help.

He was rushed to the hospital, where they ended up wiring his jaw shut (it was shattered), putting a rod in his leg to replace the damaged-beyond-repair bone, and fixing his collapsed lung and broken ribs. Haggard.

Months later, after Dad had graduated to using crutches, (this was like 6 months later or something) the TV show Rescue 911 asked to recreate the accident for their show. They filmed a few interviews with Dad, Mom, Studmuffin and Rebecca Ann, shot a few scenes of reenacted drama, and then sent us some t-shirts.

There you go. PS Dad can walk just fine now. But he still has the rod in his leg and some bolts in his jaw.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Like haunted houses? Try 157 Buckingham Circle. During the time I lived there, the creepiest, most disturbing stuff would happen, and unfortunately I’m the only witness. Well, with the exception of Cheddar of course. She knows where I’m coming from.

I will illustrate for you the various occurrences of being visited from The Beyond in several installment chapters, starting with Cheddar’s incident.

Ghost Story #1
Cheddar’s Incident

Cheddar was spending the night, and whenever she would do that, the two of us would sleep on the couches in the living room. Yes that was intentionally plural, there were two of them.

So we were sleeping on the couches, lights out, when Cheddar all of a sudden goes “ANNA TURN ON THE LIGHT, QUICK!”

Of course I am jolted out of my sleep and immediately turn on the light. So I’m all, “what is it?” and she’s all:

“Okay so I was sleeping, and I felt my blanket being pulled off the side of the couch, so I thought Willie” (my dog) “was laying down on the edge of it or something. But when I reached down to pet him nothing was there!”

I looked and sure enough Willie wasn’t even in the room. He was sleeping in the kitchen, and there was no way he could have gotten from the living room to there without making a sound. Plus, he was in deep-sleep mode, laid out on his side with his tongue hanging out and his eyeballs all screwy.

Cheddar was pretty shaken up so we agreed to leave the light on for the rest of the night. Stupid ghosts.

Ghost Story #2
Home Alone Incidents

I was home alone and it was the middle of the day, kind of cloudy like it was getting ready to rain. I was standing in the dining room, kind of leaning against the table and eating something, when I heard a loud thump from upstairs, like somebody dropped a bowling ball. It was that loud.

Well at first I thought Miss Pickles had knocked something off the desk up there, so I opened the door and started going up the stairs, when I remembered that just a second ago I had seen her curled up on the couch. I rushed back down and shut the door, goosebumps on my arms and neck from the momentary terror of almost going upstairs into the darkness. Peeking around the corner into the living room, I saw that Miss Pickles indeed had not left her spot on the couch, and that Scamp, Willie and Tucker were all sleeping peacefully in the same room.

Then I thought that maybe somehow Rebecca Ann had gotten up there, without my knowledge. So I cracked the door open and shouted up for him, but only silence greeted me…

That was not the only noise incident, though. Other times, I’d hear what sounded like somebody pacing upstairs, or the cat galloping around like she sometimes did. But there was never anyone up there. None of the pets were even allowed to be up there, and after I heard the noises I would check for them and they’d always be either downstairs or outside.

Stupid ghosts.

Ghost Story #3
The Pounder

It was another one of those nights where I was home alone, probably watching TV or reading a book. So I’m just sitting there on the couch when all of a sudden, I hear footsteps on the front porch. The dogs start a low growl in the back of their throats. This makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

I walk over to the front door to see who it is, standing on my toes to look out the windows at the top. There’s nobody there.

So now I’m pretty scared. I’m no longer hearing the footsteps, so I go to the big picture window and peek out through the curtains, just one eye so they don’t see me. Once again, nobody there.

Then, all of a sudden, somebody starts pounding on the door. Not a mild knocking, mind you, but a full-on, angry pounding. The dogs freak out, barking their heads off, and I run for cover in the hallway, grabbing the phone and crouching down with a pillow for safety. I drag Scamp and Willie into the hall for added protection. Tucker is already cowering with me.

I can’t call anybody, because it’s like 11:30 at night and everybody is either asleep or unreachable. So I just sit there and wait for it to stop. Actually, the pounding was rather short-lived, but the dogs kept on barking and I didn’t even begin to feel safe until they quieted down. But I never saw anyone and I’m convinced it was that darned poltergeist.

Ghost Story #4
A Physical Manifestation

One night, I was sleeping on the couch because I had a bad cold and when I was sick I used to always stay on the couch. Easier access to the TV I guess.

Anyway, this particular night, the cable was out, so it wasn’t doing me any good. I was sleeping, and I started dreaming that the portable phone antenna was bumping up against my face, as though it were hanging from a string.

I woke up and still felt it, so I assumed I had fallen asleep with the phone right next to me. I was too tired to open my eyes so I just kept them closed and brushed it away with my hand—only there was nothing there. (You know how when you dream about a burger and you try to bite it only to wake up empty-handed.*)

I opened my eyes to find the missing phone, and instead of a phone, there was a smoky white ribbon bumping against my cheek! I jerked back in surprise, and the ribbon of smoke flew up to the northwest corner of the living room and just floated there. I watched it for a second, my heart pounding wildly, and then pulled the covers over my head.

When I peeked out, it was still there, so I turned on the light. Immediately, the smoke disappeared. I sat there for a moment, feeling pretty panicked, until I calmed down and started getting sleepy again. I was having trouble drifting off with the light on, so I turned on the TV for light instead.

Unfortunately, the cable was still out. I stared at the TV screen, letting my eyes go in and out of focus, trying to do that “magic eye” thing you see in books, but it just wasn’t happening. When I refocused my eyes and just stared at the screen, I started seeing faces in the static, like bat faces and creepy old men. It was sketching me out but I couldn’t look away. I watched them for maybe ten minutes before my fatigue overcame my curiosity and I fell asleep.

I am pretty sure the ribbon was a ghost. A weird-looking one, but it was unlike anything I’d ever seen before.

*Side note: back when I was still sharing a room with Precious, I once had a dream where I got a Big Mac and was gonna eat it, but when I tried to take a bite I woke up and it wasn’t there. The dream was so realistic that I was literally searching my bed for the missing burger. I had to settle for cereal for breakfast that morning instead. What a disappointment.

Ghost Story # 1/2

Missing Cat

This happened back when I used to sleep in the smallest room in the house (it really wasn't anything more than a storage room). It was upstairs, and there were two doors in that room: the one leading out, and the one leading to the attic. Both were closed when I went to bed. My bed was just a mattress on the floor. (That's all that would fit.)

Shortly after I drifted off to sleep, I was woken up by my cat jumping onto my feet at the end of my bed. I felt her lay down, so I reached down to my feet to pet her. For some reason, I couldn't find her. I felt all over the end of the bed with no luck. I thought maybe somehow she had gotten up without me hearing or feeling it, so I reached up and turned on the light to find her.

Upon thorough inspection of my room (it took approximately 30 seconds) I realized that my cat was not in there with me. The door to my room was closed, and so was the door to the attic. There were no hiding places. I'm not sure what I felt jump onto my feet, but it sure wasn't my cat. I slept with the light on the rest of the night.

Friday, June 24, 2005


Quick background: This story happened during a time when I was at my most rebellious with the parents, and we were not getting along at all, and I did not want to live with them anymore.

So this one night, I got off work at about 10 o’clock and I didn’t feel like going home quite yet, but this was Charlottesville so nothing was open. I also didn’t have any money. So I am debating what to do as I approach my exit, and decide to pass it and just drive until I thought of somewhere to go.

I drove west on 64 (or was it 250) for about half an hour before deciding to go to the Waynesboro Wal-Mart. Surely I’d find something to do there. Except that I don’t…

When I get there, I decide to not even go inside. I am feeling pretty sleepy at this point. I park my car under one of the floodlights at the far end of the parking lot and turn off the engine, keeping the music on. I try to get comfortable so I can take a nap before driving home, but the car is so cramped and hot that it’s hard to find any position that works. I have to keep the windows up and the doors locked so no crazies can get me, but I keep the windows cracked at the top so I can breathe.

About twenty minutes into drifting into sleep, I start hearing this loud whining noise. I look out the window but I can’t tell where it’s coming from. It’s kind of creeping me out, because I can’t see it, but the noise is getting louder and then fading away, like it’s circling my car. Then I hear laughter, and I look down the parking lot toward the entrance of Wal-Mart and see a few middle-aged rednecks laughing and drinking, one of them with a remote controller in his hands.

Then it dawns on me…they must be driving an RC car around the parking lot, and that was the noise I was hearing. I look around for it and sure enough, there’s the little beast tearing around the corner. Unfortunately, in looking for the RC car, I see that someone had parked in the next spot over and diagonally from me, I guess while I was drifting off to sleep.

The unfortunate part was that just as I looked up, a gross looking redneck got out of the front seat, pulling his pants up and zipping them, while an even grosser chick stayed in the car putting her shirt back on.

The Wal-Mart parking lot is apparently mandatory for redneck sex. I decided I was done and ready to go home, so I started up the car and got back on the highway, grossed out but too tired to care.