Friday, June 24, 2005

SLEEPOVER IN THE WAL-MART PARKING LOT




Quick background: This story happened during a time when I was at my most rebellious with the parents, and we were not getting along at all, and I did not want to live with them anymore.

So this one night, I got off work at about 10 o’clock and I didn’t feel like going home quite yet, but this was Charlottesville so nothing was open. I also didn’t have any money. So I am debating what to do as I approach my exit, and decide to pass it and just drive until I thought of somewhere to go.

I drove west on 64 (or was it 250) for about half an hour before deciding to go to the Waynesboro Wal-Mart. Surely I’d find something to do there. Except that I don’t…

When I get there, I decide to not even go inside. I am feeling pretty sleepy at this point. I park my car under one of the floodlights at the far end of the parking lot and turn off the engine, keeping the music on. I try to get comfortable so I can take a nap before driving home, but the car is so cramped and hot that it’s hard to find any position that works. I have to keep the windows up and the doors locked so no crazies can get me, but I keep the windows cracked at the top so I can breathe.

About twenty minutes into drifting into sleep, I start hearing this loud whining noise. I look out the window but I can’t tell where it’s coming from. It’s kind of creeping me out, because I can’t see it, but the noise is getting louder and then fading away, like it’s circling my car. Then I hear laughter, and I look down the parking lot toward the entrance of Wal-Mart and see a few middle-aged rednecks laughing and drinking, one of them with a remote controller in his hands.

Then it dawns on me…they must be driving an RC car around the parking lot, and that was the noise I was hearing. I look around for it and sure enough, there’s the little beast tearing around the corner. Unfortunately, in looking for the RC car, I see that someone had parked in the next spot over and diagonally from me, I guess while I was drifting off to sleep.

The unfortunate part was that just as I looked up, a gross looking redneck got out of the front seat, pulling his pants up and zipping them, while an even grosser chick stayed in the car putting her shirt back on.

The Wal-Mart parking lot is apparently mandatory for redneck sex. I decided I was done and ready to go home, so I started up the car and got back on the highway, grossed out but too tired to care.